Newt’s Real Book Tour/Pretend Presidential Campaign

Long-time Newtie senior staffer and now head of his super PAC Rick Tyler admits that Newtie doesn’t really want to be president all that much:  “I’ve known Newt for a long time.  Newt doesn’t have this driving ambition to be president.”

But he and Callista do having a driving ambition to sell as many of their crappy books and DVD’s as possible.  Have you seen the prices at Tiffany’s lately?

Newt Now Spending Money He Doesn’t Have

As expected, money has dried up for Newt’s dying (dead?) campaign.  The campaign, long in denial,  is now in debt as well.

Campaign vendors and staffers are going public about their unpaid invoices and salaries.  Of course, nothing shames or embarrasses Newtie and Callista.

No complaints from Tiffany’s, though.



Santorum’s Gift to Mitt and Obama

Rick Santorum made an amazing campaign ad today.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t an ad for his campaign, it was a gift to Mitt and Obama.  Maybe Newtie will provide a blue Tiffany’s box and white bow for it.

Campaigning in Illinois on the eve of their primary, Santorum said,  “I don’t care what the unemployment rate’s going to be.  Doesn’t matter to me.”

Because the man has bigger fish to fry, people — birth control and pornography.

This just confirms the narrative that the GOP offers two types of candidates — those like Mitt who care about rich people, and those like Santorum who care about social issues.  And nobody who worries about the economic struggles of working people.



Newt Soars, Newt Crashes

Newt Gingrich’s chances of winning the GOP nomination have dropped dramatically in the last few days on Intrade.  He’s gone from almost 40% to 16.5%.

Mitt Romney is back up to 64% after a drop to 42%.  Maybe Mittens bet $10,000 on himself.

Newtie’s ride down could be as swift and dramatic as his sudden ascent.  He could be back at Freddie Mac’s door, hat in hand, hoping for taxpayer money to make Callista look even more like a Christmas tree (a fake one) with sparkly stuff from Tiffany’s.

If Mitt is the frying pan (a very high-end French enameled one from Williams-Sonoma), Newtie is both the gasoline and the fire.

Blue Tiffany’s Boxes All Around

I’ve heard that when they come to work tomorrow, everyone at the New Hampshire Union Leader will find a blue Tiffany’s box on his or her desk.  An early Christmas!

Because one thing you have to admit about the One Percent, like Newtie and Callista, is that they know how and where to shop.

Newt Gives Lizards a Bad Name

Newt Gingrich claims that his dismal polling numbers are the media’s fault.  He whines, “The elite media in June, July, decided I was too conservative, too aggressive and I was out of the race.”

If the “elite media” doesn’t like conservative and aggessive, how does he explain Rick Perry’s extensive coverage and Michele Bachmann’s before Perry got in the race?  If they hate conservative and aggressive, why aren’t they covering moderate and mealy-mouthed Jon Huntsman (also with dismal poll numbers) more?

Newt’s failure stems from his own unforced errors.  His own campaign team didn’t take him seriously and quit en masse because they felt he wasn’t taking the campaign seriously and was just out to sell his books and movies.  They couldn’t run a real campaign under “Callista’s Rules,” which called for no overnight campaigning, no early departures in the morning because she had to get her hair done, and campaign stops only where they could simultaneously schedule movie showings of their latest money-making effort.  If Newt’s own senior staff thought his campaign was a joke, why should the media not treat it like one?

Newt also got off to a terrible start because of the Tiffany’s flap and going off on the Greek cruise.  That was his poor judgment, not the media’s.

Newt lacks the temperament to be president.  You didn’t see a lot of people who served in Congress with him endorsing him.  This isn’t about being too conservative or aggressive, it’s about being a childish, self-absorbed jerk with a history of dumping his wives when they get sick.  Stay well, Callista, or you may find that your key to the McLean mansion doesn’t work anymore and that those blue Tiffany boxes are going to someone else.

Contributors Paying for Newt’s Anniversary Trip

Newt and Callista are heading to Hawaii to celebrate their anniversary, while doing a little “campaigning.”    If you donated to his campaign, you’re paying for this.  You going to Hawaii any time soon?  I didn’t think so.

Since it’s their anniversary, Newt needs to head to Tiffany’s.  I’m not sure what the traditional eleventh anniversary gift is, but I suspect for Callista, they’re all diamond.  Let’s all help Newtie out by buying one of his crappy books or DVD’s.

There’s a sucker born every minute, and you can bet he’s immediately added to Newt’s email list.