Where’s the Leadership?

On “Face the Nation” today, Bob Schieffer repeatedly pressed John Boehner on whether or not he supports a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants.

Boehner wouldn’t answer!  Speaker of the House is supposed to be one of the most powerful positions in Washington, where you take a stance and work your will on your members.

His refusal to answer is a sad commentary both on Boehner personally and on the make-up of this particular House.

Boehner seems to be “leading from behind,” far, far behind.   You can barely see him way off in the distance.  Perhaps he’s searching for his testicles…

And Can You Throw in Your First Born?

So what did it take to get the Tea Party types in the House GOP to vote to extend the debt ceiling till May 19?*

First, leadership had to promise that either the sequester would take effect in March or the same amount of cuts ($110 billion) would be found elsewhere.

Second, leadership had to promise the House would come up with a budget that will balance in 10 years, or what I would call an”Oliver Twist” budget.

Congressman Dave Schweiker (R-Arizona) called this the “ultimate test” for those in “leadership positions,” and said there would be “hell to pay” if they mess up.

“Hell to pay” means John Boehner will tearfully have to give up his gavel.  If you thought he cried a lot when he became Speaker, you won’t believe the sobs-through-cigarette-smoke when he gets kicked out.  I’m guessing there are already betting pools on the Hill as to when this will happen.  And whispers about Boehner’s “drinking problem” will only grow louder the next few months.

* See “Obama Speech Leaves G.O.P. Stark Choices,” Jonathan Weisman, NYT

Boehner Re-Elected

John Boehner was re-elected Speaker of the House today with 220 votes.  He needed 218.  Fourteen House members voted either for someone else or simply “present.”

We’ll see how long he lasts.  Given the fights in the next couple of months, no one else really wants the job.

Upon re-election, Boehner immediately called Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and told him yet again to go f___ himself.  Ok, I may have made that last part up.

A Little Holiday Cheer Courtesy of Andy Borowitz

From “A Holiday Letter from John Boehner,” Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker:

Dear American People:

It’s Speaker Boehner here, writing my first and last ever holiday letter to you.  Why am I doing this after all of these years, you might ask?  Well, I won’t mince words.  I’ve started drinking a little early this Christmas.

You see, this will be my last Christmas as Speaker of the House, all because a cabal of Tea Party miscreants in the House of Representatives doesn’t think I’m a ginormous enough asshole for their taste.  Who’s more to their liking?  Virginia’s own Eric Cantor.  As a waiter might say at an all-you-can-eat shit buffet, “Excellent choice.”

What will life be like under Speaker of the House Eric Cantor?  Well, he’s the guy who recommended cuts in disaster funding just hours after tornadoes hit Joplin, Missouri.  Nice.  And it was his “never met a dick-measuring contest I didn’t like” pathology that helped create last year’s debt-ceiling crisis.  You can’t put a price tag on a performance like that.  Well, actually you can:  it cost the country nineteen billion dollars.  Starting to miss me already, aren’t you?  Fuck you.

So have a very Eric Cantor Christmas, America, and as that smug four-eyed sociopath drives the entire nation off the cliff, don’t say I didn’t warn you.  Now leave me alone, God damn you.  Damn you all to hell.

Happy Holidays,

Speaker Boehner