Best Product Placement at SOTU

Poland Springs water owes Marco Rubio a big campaign contribution.

As Rubio told more and more lies about the President and how he doesn’t believe in our free enterprise system, Rubio got sweatier and thirstier.  The curse of the SOTU response continues.  The shit-eating way he looked into the camera as he grabbed for the water was priceless and will be re-played and re-played for the rest of Rubio’s career.

It was a perfect moment of comic relief after the emotional conclusion to the President’s speech, but it wasn’t the moment of gravitas the lean-and-hungry Rubio was aiming for.

SNL has their next opening sketch.

Girardi, Like Obama, Looks for Game Changer

Wow!  Girardi has both A-Rod and Swisher out of the line-up tonight.

Gardner is batting leadoff and playing left, with Ichiro moving to right.  Chavez is at third.

I hope both the Yankees and Obama do what they have to do tonight.

I’m not sure if I’m more worried about Verlander or Mitt.

I am kind of bouncing off the walls, “going mental” like the Ed Grimley character (Martin Short) on SNL.

Mitt’s Cotton Candy Speech

I both watched and read Mitt Romney’s speech in New Hampshire ushering in his general election campaign.  While the speech got good press, both for Mitt’s improved delivery and for its message, I thought it was nauseating.  His tone was condescending, as if we were all grade-school children, and his content was cynical.  As for policy or substance, Mitt stood before us and spun a giant cone of cotton candy.

He promised us a “better America,” but he didn’t say how.  He said that he wanted to know “what you think we can do to make this country better.”  Um, Mitt, you’re the candidate, that’s kind of your job.

But then he said he’d tell us “a little bit about myself.”  So I thought, ok, now he’s going to get into some policy.  But no, he said he’d tell us about Ann and his kids and grandkids and how much he loves this country and what a success he’d been in business.

When he said, “And after 25 years, I know how to lead us out of this stagnant Obama economy and into a job-creating economy,” I was sure he was finally about to tell us how.  But he just left us hanging again at he “knows how,” without sharing what he knows, and immediately pivoted to criticizing President Obama.

After talking about Obama’s government-centered vision, Mitt said he had a very different vision.  So again I thought he was going to offer some substance.  You know his vision?  It’s “an America driven by freedom where free people, pursuing happiness in their own unique ways, create free enterprises that employ more and more Americans.”  Who the hell wrote that — Chauncey Gardiner?  He faults Obama for still blaming George Bush.  Mitt seemed to be blaming George III.  If only we had our freedom, if only we could pursue happiness, if only we had free enterprise…  Oh, wait, we’ve had all that for about 230 years.

The pandering was so over-the-top it could have come from an SNL sketch.  Mitt did shout outs to single moms working two jobs, couples on food stamps, and grandparents who can’t afford enough gas to visit their grandkids.  Forget all that tough primary talk, new “general election” Mitt feels your pain.

It got especially deep when he said that as he looks at the unemployed, “it breaks my heart.”  This from the guy who caused so many Americans to become unemployed when he ruthlessly ran Bain Capital, thinking only of his bottom line and not those who would hit bottom because of him.

There were the usual hyberbolic howlers:  “With Obamacare fully installed, government will come to control half the economy, and we will have effectively ceased to be a free enterprise society.”  “We’ll stop the days of apologizing for success at home and never again apologize for America abroad.”

Mitt looked good by comparison when he was surrounded by the unqualified and the extreme, by Cain and Bachmann and Gingrich and Santorum and Perry.  Without them, he looks like the same insincere empty suit he was last time around.

Terrible speech, terrible candidate, terrible campaign.

Mitt and Newt Partied in New Orleans

Ok, they probably didn’t party, but they did meet in Nawlins last Friday morning at Mitt’s hotel.  Mitt confirmed a leaked report of the meeting, but wouldn’t talk about substance.

Sounds like a good premise for an SNL skit, especially with the New Orleans setting.  Newt in a Stanley Kowalski undershirt outside Romney’s window, screaming, “MITTENS!”  Or maybe Newt as Blanche in a floral dress, picture hat, and white gloves.  He’s about as finished and washed-up as she was.

I’m finding something homoerotic about Newt and Mitt in a hotel room in the French Quarter.

My Fantasy Saturday Night Live Sketch

I’d love to see SNL do a Republican debate where Rick Perry is roaming the stage as drunk as a skunk, bellowing “Bring it,” while Herman Cain keeps trying to grope Michele Bachmann, who bats him away with her long acrylic nails.

Then Sarah Palin (Tina) enters, ostentatiously steps over Perry, who’s now fallen down and is curled in the fetal position sucking his thumb, and takes his podium.  She looks into the camera, asks, “Is there a better choice?  You betcha,” and then announces, “In the ring there, I’m throwing my bearskin hat, also, too, and live from Saturday night, it’s New York.”

Back in the real world, the traveling Freak Show they call the Republican field is having yet another debate next week.  Please, God, make it stop!

What’s the Deal with Palin and Perry?

When Rick Perry last ran for governor, he faced a primary challenge from Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison.  Hutchison had support from Karl Rove, Bush 41, and assorted Bushistas like Karen Hughes.  Sarah Palin vigorously supported Perry and campaigned for him.

So when Perry announced for president, it was expected that Palin, who shows no signs of running herself in terms of staff or organization, would endorse Perry.

Now, rather than endorse him, she’s gone on a tear attacking him for “crony capitalism.”  She’s picked up on Michele Bachmann’s criticism of his support for the vaccine that protects against cervical cancer.

So what’s up with that, as they say on SNL?  Did Perry tell Palin that he would serve out his term and not run?  Did he tell her that he would support her if she ran?  Something has happened between them, something that I believe has Palin personally angry at Perry and off on a vendetta against him.  It’s certainly not that Palin is a fan of Mitt “I’m Also Unemployed” Romney.

Any ideas?