A Little Weekend Humor from Gail Collins

From Gail Collins’ “Who Doesn’t Love A List?” in the NYT:

“The primaries have been great for the economy.  Dimwitted billionaires are dumping money they don’t need into the campaigns of people who can’t win, providing much-needed jobs for ad-writers, poll-takers and yard-sign manufacturers.

“Do you remember, at the depth of the recession, when Keynesians kept saying that we could jump-start the recovery by just paying a whole bunch of people to dig holes and fill them back in?  This is exactly the same thing!  Keep going, Republicans!”

Except that digging holes and filling them in is harmless and doesn’t cause trouble as the GOP candidates are doing.  Check out Santorum’s “Welcome to Obamaville” on YouTube.  Whoever made this sick piece of garbage should be sentenced to digging holes and filling them in for all eternity.  It predicts nothing less than the apocalypse if Obama is reelected and flashes alternating shots of him and Ahmadinejad on the screen, cause, you know, they’re so alike, a couple of Muslim guys who hate America.

 

A Good Day for Seamus Romney

Among those celebrating the Union Leader‘s endorsement of Newt Gingrich and not Mitt Romney must be Seamus Romney, savoring the news like a juicy steak as he frolics in dog heaven.   Seamus, as Gail Collins perpetually reminds us in her NYT column, is the Irish setter whom Mitt strapped to the roof of his car for a long drive to Canada.

Mitt’s reward for this idiocy and cruelty was a stream of dog poop cascading down his windshield.   Today the Union Leader pooped on Mitt’s parade.

One “Oops” Leads to Another

Gail Collins has a column in the NYT today about the Republican Debate that doesn’t mention Rick Perry’s minute-long, unsuccessful search of his brain for the elusive third department he would eliminate.

It reads as if Collins became bored part-way through and decided to do a little online shopping or go to the movies instead.

I suspect the truth is that Collins was on deadline and had to hit Send before Perry hit the skids.

So you can imagine Collins shouting “energy, energy, energy” at her TV, knowing that if Perry messed up, he would take her down with him.  They may have said “Oops” at exactly the same moment, although she probably said some words you won’t see in the NYT.

I like Collins.  She mentions Mitt Romney’s tying his Irish Setter to the roof of his car for a long drive to Canada as often as Herman Cain mentions 9-9-9, but I never tire of the Saga of Seamus.

But if your deadline falls before the end of the debate, you should write about something else, so a candidate’s embarrassment won’t lead to yours.

Rick Perry in a Nutshell

So this (from Gail Collins’ profile of Rick Perry in today’s NYT) tells you everything you need to know about Perry:  When he was running for Agriculture Commissioner of Texas, his platform was to get rid of a rule imposed by the Democratic incumbent that made farmers remove their workers from the fields prior to spraying pesticides on them.

I think you can see where I’m going with this.  If Perry becomes president, Wall Street and big business will be the farmers, and we’ll be the workers getting sprayed with toxic stuff.  Don’t spray me, Bro!