Do We Have an Hollande Problem Here?

The National Enquirer says that the Obamas’ marriage is basically over, and that Michelle found out that the Secret Service covered up two instances of his cheating on her.  They claim she was refusing to return to DC for her birthday party, but finally agreed.

I know, consider the source, but they were right about John Edwards, and we all know there was something really off about her not returning from Hawaii with the Prez and the girls after Christmas.  Their younger daughter, Sasha, always looks unhappy in public.  I think the older one, Malia, is better at putting on a public face.

A Gentle Reminder That Perversion Is Bipartisan

Whatever happens to Keith Olbermann (and I think we all know his upcoming stint on ESPN will end badly), I will always remember fondly that when Sen. David Vitter (R-SC) was caught up in his prostitution scandal back in 2007, Olbermann would quickly and quietly mutter “diaper” when referring to the Palmetto Perv.

Vitter was named in the DC Madame scandal, but then it emerged that just as members of Congress have homes both in DC and their states, Vitter had ho’s both in DC and back home.  And he managed to stand out among his brothel’s clientele in New Orleans because he liked to let his good times roll while wearing a diaper.  Yes, he managed to shock NOLA prostitutes in how he preferred to be “Pampered.”

And if you think things couldn’t get weirder, let me add that when Vitter was running for Senate, one of his ads showed him changing one of his kids’ diapers.

I bring this up because last night MSNBC’s Melissa Harris Perry was talking about Vitter’s bill banning a federal bailout for Detroit (no one is proposing such a bailout, but that never stops the party from the alternate universe), and she referenced his “unlawful and, shall we say, infantile infidelity.”

More subtle than Keith, but much appreciated anyway.

So make your Weiner jokes, GOP, but don’t forget that members of both parties can be equally bizarre and creepy when it comes to their members.

Et Tu, Colin?

This really is the Summer of Love (or at least Lust), people.

As we wait to find out who Eliot Spitzer is shtupping (or we can do this ourselves by process of elimination — I think we can rule out Christine Quinn, Sydney Leathers, Lauren Silverman, Lena Dunham, and Ivanka Trump, for example), former Secretary of State Colin Powell, 76, is denying that he ever had an affair with Romanian diploma Corina Cretu, 47, whom he met about 10 years ago.

Powell’s email got hacked, and there are some extremely personal and friendly exchanges between the two.

Monica’s Back!

Just as Bill and Hillary are struggling with Weiner and Huma, Monica’s back and just where you’d expect to find her — the National Enquirer, of course.

They are publishing an old tape she made for him after their affair ended, begging to see him alone and proposing that she take off her clothes, plus assorted love notes.

In one note she refers to Gingko Biloba as Gingko Blowjoba.

In the last photos I saw of Monica, taken in New York City, she looked like Rosie O’Donnell.

Liar, Adulterer, Trespasser

Mark Sanford’s ex-wife Jenny has accused him of trespassing at her house on Sullivan’s Island outside Charleston, and the former Governor has to appear in court on May 9, two days after the special election in which he hopes to win back his old House seat.

According to their divorce agreement, the Sanfords must get permission before entering the other’s home, but Jenny apparently keeps finding Mark in her house.  She has custody of their four sons.

So he wasn’t home with her when he was supposed to be, and now he’s there when he’s not supposed to be!  He’s just a strange dude.  And this doesn’t help him with women voters.

Quote of the Day

“I think those of us who are concerned about religious liberty have to fight to ensure that you don’t get this kind of aggressive tyranny of secularism, which I think is a very grave danger.

“And I think the real danger is you’ll see a drive to outlaw and limit Christianity. To say: It’s OK to be Christian as long as you’re not really Christian.”

Newt Gingrich, serial adulterer, who obviously himself is not really Christian.  The threat to his following his religion has never come from “the aggressive tyranny of secularism,” it’s come from inside his own pants.

Sanford Celebrates with Mistress

Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford won the GOP primary run-off for his old House seat tonight.

That was expected.  The surprise of the night was that his mistress/fiancee, Maria Belen Chapur shared the stage with him at his victory celebration.

Sanford will face Stephen Colbert’s sister, Elizabeth Colbert Busch, in the general.

 

Beyond Clueless

Ok, so back in 2009, then GOP South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, married and the father of four boys, got caught having an affair in Argentina when he was supposed to be “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”  His wife Jenny divorced him.  Sanford is now engaged to his Argentinian mistress, Maria Belen Chapur.

Sanford served the rest of his term, which ended in 2011.

When Jim DeMint left the Senate to run the Heritage Foundation last year, Tim Scott got appointed to fill his seat, leaving a House vacancy in the Charleston district.  Mark Sanford held that seat before becoming governor.  His ex-wife had managed all of his campaigns.

So Sanford decided to run for his old seat.  Fine.  But what’s incredible is that, although this was not a “friendly” divorce and they are barely on speaking terms, he asked Jenny to manage his campaign.*  As you’d expect, she told him that wasn’t going to happen.

The man definitely has a screw loose, which I guess makes him a good fit for the current House GOP Caucus.

*  “Back on the Trail,” Jason Zengerie, New York Magazine

Do As He Says, Not As He Does

As you’d expect of a GOP congressman from Tennessee, Scott Des Jarlais is staunchly anti-abortion.

He’s also just about the biggest hypocrite you’ll find anywhere.

While married to his first wife, Des Jarlais, a physician, had affairs with two of his patients, three of his co-workers, and a saleswoman for a drug company.  When one of the patient mistresses told him she was pregnant, he aggressively pushed her to have an abortion, and there’s a recorded phone call of that conversation.

His first wife also had two abortions during their marriage with his full support.

Despite all the icky revelations, Des Jarlais has no plans to resign.

And in Arlington, VA, Gen. David Petraeus is thinking, “WTF?”