Why Bo Sleeps With One Eye Open

Yesterday, Jim Treacher at The Daily Caller, the web site founded by Tucker Carlson, who has gone from wanting to be George Will (see old clips with bow tie and preppy glasses) to wanting to be Andrew Breitbart (see red meat on said web site), posted a story saying that we can’t be outraged about Mitt’s putting his Irish Setter Seamus on the roof of his station wagon for a 12-hour trip because President Obama admitted in his book Dreams From My Father that he actually ate dog while he was a child living in Indonesia.

And so that inevitably led to #ObamaDogRecipes, and Politico‘s pick of the top 11 tweets:

Beagles with cream cheese

Eggs rover easy

Great Danishes

Pugs in a Blanket

Pup Tarts

Obama’s Indonesian Cookbook:  Dreams of My Fido

Chicken Poodle Soup

Spaghetti and Mutt Balls

Santa’s little hamburger helper

When Obama asks for a DOGGY BAG he really means a bag with a dog in it

Garlic Mashed BOtatoes  MMMMM

To which I add Canned Spamiel and Cheese Labradoodles and encourage you to share yours.

Rick Perry Really Funny at the Gridiron Club Dinner

Rick Perry was very funny at the Gridiron Club’s dinner in DC:

“You know, it’s weird standing next to [Mitt Romney] on the debate podium.  You know, I keep waiting for him to say, ‘Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?’

“I do wish I were still in the race.  I mean I don’t know why I didn’t do better.  Governor of a big state.  Former military pilot.  I graduated from Texas A & M with a degree in animal husbandry.  Maybe that was the problem.  Animal husbandry.  That sounds like what Rick Santorum thinks gay marriage leads to.

“Now, President Obama couldn’t be here.  I read that he is in Korea, at the DMZ.  Would somebody tell me — Why do you have to go all the way to Korea to get a DRIVER’S LICENSE?”

Giving Mitt Credit Where It’s Not Due

I think Molly Ball (“Mitt Romney’s Humor:  An Appreciation,” The Atlantic) gives Mitt way too much credit and sees something that just isn’t there:

“For all the hype about his woodenness, Romney, I submit, actually has the most sophisticated — and under-appreciated — sense of humor of any presidential candidate.  It is dry, self-deprecating and a bit dark, a far cry from the safely hokey laugh lines of most politicians on the stump.  And it bespeaks a confidence and flair not often attributed to the much-maligned candidate.

“This is the man who famously went to Michigan, the state he grew up in and then left for good, and praised it thus: ‘The trees are the right height.’  You pretty much can’t get a better absurdist parody of politicians’ vapid sure-is-nice-to-be-here patter than that.”

But when you’re actually the candidate running a real campaign, as opposed to a satirical movie or SNL skit about presidential politics, you can’t do a parody of traditional stumping while you’re out campaigning, because you’re not just making fun of yourself, you’re making fun of the people who gave up their free time and spent precious gas money to come out and see you.  If people go to that trouble, they expect and deserve to be taken and addressed seriously, and the touches of humor shouldn’t be Zen-like.

You can appreciate the tree stuff when you’re sitting on your couch watching Jason Sudeikis pretend to be Mitt Romney.   From Romney himself?  It’s just off-putting and bizarre.

As for the hype about Mitt’s woodenness, it’s not because we aren’t cool enough to get him, except for you, Molly.   It’s because he is, in fact, wooden.  Any absurdist parodies that come out of his mouth are entirely unintentional.

Molly can laugh with Mitt, I’ll keep laughing at him.  And whether voters align with Molly or with me, President Obama is still going to win.

The Valentine’s Day from Hell

For $2500 a person, you can spend Valentine’s Day at a cocktail party with the GOP’s most famous lovers, Newt and Callista.  You get Champagne, you get a photo with them, you get a thrill up your leg each time he says  “fundamentally” while she looks on and nods her bouffant bobble-head adoringly.

Extra bonus — It’s in Fresno, a city all of us associate with Japanese American internment romance!

Quote of the Day

“A few weeks later after a recount, however, GOP officials announced that Santorum had actually won Iowa by 34 votes, with the proviso that they didn’t actually know who the hell had won Iowa. The votes of eight precincts had gone permanently ‘missing.’ Maybe a hog ate them, maybe they were converted into ethanol, maybe they were deep-fat fried and put on a stick for the next Iowa State Fair. Nobody knows.”

Roger Simon, Politico.
Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0212/72637.html#ixzz1lupdFBES

Those “Thin Mints” Girl Scout Cookies We All Love Are a Commie Plot

Fox News and some right-wing blogs are spreading the message that the Girl Scouts are really a left-wing organization.  Yes, those Girl Scouts with the cookies and the merit badges.

And what’s up with those green uniforms?  Are they some sort of eco-terrorists as well?

And what are girls before they become Girl Scouts?   They are Brownies.  It is well-known that many leftists put marijuana in brownies.

Someone needs to check the water coolers, heating ducts, etc. at Fox News.  Something toxic is making those people irrational.  Oh, wait, they were like that when they were hired.

At least it’s a change from all the bogus “War on Christmas” stories.

Meanwhile, over at SarahPAC

While we’ve all been busy laughing at the House Republicans, Sarah Palin has posted a message on her PAC site wishing you a Merry Christmas.  Actually more than wishing, more like insisting.  Even if you’re Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, atheist:

“My family and I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.  I offer this to all because Christmas is a holiday for all, whether you are a Christian believer or not.

No, moron, Christmas is a holiday for those who celebrate the birth of Christ and believe him to be the son of God.  If you look really hard, you’ll notice the word “Christ” right there in the word Christmas.  It’s kind of a big clue whom Christmas is for.

The Ugly Comparisons Between Newt and the Pillsbury Dough Boy Must Stop

I am appalled at those comparing Newt Gingrich to the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Poppin’ Fresh.  Mr. Fresh is a dough boy of the highest integrity.

Mr. Fresh has never been accused of being a serial adulterer.  Unlike Newtie, who dumped his first two wives when they got sick with uterine cancer and multiple sclerosis, Mr. Fresh stood by his wife even when her bottom got badly burned.

Mr. Fresh provides comfort and solace to countless Americans, who enjoy his dough right out of the freezer when they’re stressed or sad.  Newtie’s demagoguery and lies, on the other hand, send us to the freezer for that dough, perhaps especially Mrs. Newtie One and Mrs. Newtie Two.

Mr. Fresh encourages thrift.  You can make his products for a lot less than you can buy them at a bakery.  You won’t find Mr. Fresh running up six-figure bills at Tiffany’s.

Mr. Fresh never says “Callista and I,” a phrase that makes me long for chalk on a blackboard.

But I have to concede that those making the comparison do have a point.  Both Newtie and Mr. Fresh function primarily as spokesmen for their brands, they are trying to sell us stuff.  In Mr. Fresh’s case, it’s warm bread and cookies, for Newtie, it’s warmed-over crappy ideas in books and DVD’s.