Headlines I Would Have Written Differently

Reuters has a story up called “Mitt Romney Comes Out of 2012 Shell.”  I would have gone with “Mitt Romney Comes Out From Under His Rock.”

No Soup for You, No Veep for Rudy

Rick Perry has promised Evangelical leaders that he won’t pick anyone pro-choice for his running mate.  Perry endorsed Rudy Giuliani for president in 2008, Rudy is expected to endorse Perry once he gets past his 9/11 Tenth Anniversary ego trip, and there have been lots of whispers among the Great Mentioners that Rudy would be on Perry’s ticket.  Looks like Perry has to find another guy to woo the cross-dressing vote.

Even Crazy People Have Standards

Former Republican Delaware Senate candidate and witch, Christine O’Donnell, has been disinvited from the big Tea Party event in Iowa over Labor Day weekend where Sarah Palin is speaking.  O’Donnell was also scheduled to speak, but now she’s been told not to bother hopping on her broomstick.

Mitt Romney Trying To Sound Commander in Chiefish Before Vets

Mitt “I’m Also Unemployed” Romney attacked President Obama in front of the Veterans of Foreign Wars this morning, stating “We can’t lead the world by hoping our enemies will hate us less.”

Hey Mittens, I don’t call killing Osama bin Laden, kicking out Qaddafi, and all those increased drone strikes in Pakistan and North Africa “hope,” I call that “change.”

Gawker Story on Bill O’Reilly Is Up

Gawker‘s Fox News scoop is up this morning and it’s about Bill “Loofah Boy” O’Reilly.  When O’Reilly thought his wife was having an affair with a Nassau County police detective, he used his power to try to get the guy in trouble because of his personal life, not his official conduct.  I guess he thinks of Nassau County as his own little “police state.”  How cool would it have been if Bill had strangled the guy with a loofah?!

If you’re perplexed by the loofah references, just Google “Bill O’Reilly, Andrea Macris” and enjoy.

Is Third Time the Charm for Obama’s Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers?

On its face, President Obama’s choice of Alan Krueger, Princeton economics professor and labor specialist, to be the new Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers looks promising for those of us who want the President to focus on job creation.

But Krueger’s views are similar to those of his predecessors in the job, Christina Romer and Austan Goolsbee, both of whom wanted to deal with high employment now and high annual deficits/national debt later.  If Romer and Goolsbee weren’t effective, I don’t know why we should be hopeful about Krueger.

The Republicans have driven Obama off course and messed up both his head and his priorities, and I don’t know that one Princeton professor will be able to get him back on track.

Dick Cheney’s Book

Dick Cheney’s book reminds me of Mary McCarthy’s quote about Lillian Hellman:  “[E]very word she writes is a lie, including ‘and’ and ‘the.'”

Conservatives Really Hate Obama, Not His Foreign Policy

David Remnick rather charitably writes in The New Yorker (“Behind the Curtain”):  “The trouble with so much of the conservative critique of Obama’s foreign policy is that it cares less about outcomes than about the assertion of America’s power and the affirmation of its glory.  … Yet a calculated modesty can augment a nation’s true influence.”

The truth about the conservative critique of Obama’s foreign policy is that it cares less about outcomes than about advancing a false narrative to deny him any credit whatsoever for successes like killing bin Laden and ousting Qaddafi.  These conservatives don’t care as much about whether America wins as they do about making sure President Obama loses.   Obama is fighting our real enemies, while the conservatives are fighting him.

I’m sick to death of their phony patriotism and frustrated that Mr. Remnick didn’t call them on it.

The Land of the Unemployed

Over at The Atlantic, Derek Thompson has some heart-wrenching posts by the unemployed about their frustration and misery.  They write of how they suddenly got cut off from the rest of us “normal” people and how they long to rejoin us.  Reading their stories made me think of how those who get a cancer diagnosis suddenly find themselves off in another country, off in Cancer Land, trying to get back to the land of the healthy.

It seems as if we are occupying the same physical space, but really, if you’re sitting in a coffee shop or on the subway next to someone who is unemployed or who has cancer, they are off in a nightmarish parallel world.  Even our responses to them tend to be the same — empty platitudes and words of encouragement and false cheer that ring hollow both to them and to us.  We turn away, we stop calling and visiting because we are afraid of them and their pain.  We cling to our world, and we pretend it is the only one.

Coming Soon — Big Gawker Story on a Fox News Anchor

So I’m “going mental” like Ed Grimley on Saturday Night Live, giddy with excitement and anticipation.  Which one will it be?  Bill  “Loofah Boy” O’Reilly again?   Which one of those preening, preaching hypocrites has Gawker caught with his or her hand in the cookie jar?  I’m hoping it’s Sean Hannity, but it’s guaranteed to be fun.

I thought Roger Ailes did an amazing job tamping down the O’Reilly/Andrea Macris scandal.  This time, they’ve launched a pre-emptive strike, running stories both on air and online claiming that Gawker‘s views are down.  Something tells me they won’t be down next week.

It feels like Christmas Eve, and I’m six years old.  I’m getting an exquisitely-wrapped box of schadenfreude.